A tear and a smile.

CW: Transphobia, Death, Greif.


One day out of every year, transgender day of remembrance gives us time to pause and remember those who we have lost in the trans community.

Each year, as I light a candle and place it as the only form of light in the room, I think of all their names and faces as they flash through my mind.
Whilst feeling an incredible amount of thankfulness that I am one of the lucky ones, I feel just as much guilt for being so lucky.

I spend so much time throughout the year working hard for the rights of all trans people, seeing each and every trans person as their very own super heros for standing loud and proud, living their truth against adversity.
Each time I hear another name, and see yet another beautiful face, of those who have fought so hard but have been taken far too soon, I can’t help but shed a tear.
Even though I have never met these people, I feel I have somehow failed them.

This feeling gives me the will power to continue standing proud, to make the future for other trans people better than those who had to experience it in the past.

It’s also a time to look at the positive things that are happening.

As I look around at the fantastic positive voices on social media, in companies, and even amongst friends or family, it’s not hard to see how so much has changed despite the attempts by others to stop the progress.

As more banks and organisations add gender neutral titles for non binary people, as companies encourage the use of pronouns in emails and on name badges, as LGBTQ communities, charities and organisations rally together to promote their trans inclusivity during a media and government attempt at creating a hostile environment for trans people, and as the general public is in favour of trans inclusion and acceptance in all areas of life…

Even though things are far from good… things are far from their worst 30 years ago.

So when I light my candle this year, I will with both a tear, and a smile.

A tear for those we have lost and continue to lose, and a smile in gratitude for those who fought so hard to get us where we are today.

If there is one thing that history has taught us (and every good Disney movie!), those who fight in anger and lies are those who fall the hardest.

Those who stand tall with love and honesty in the face of hatred, will be those who are left the happiest and who fate smiles back on.

A tear and smile, for this transgender day of remembrance 2021.


Written by Phoenix of @LGBwiththeT

What Support Can I Access from Blossom This TDOR?

For people 18 plus we are running a special drop-in! We believe that TDoR (Trans day of remembrance) can be really tough and sometimes triggering to our community. It’s a difficult day for so many people, especially people who are trans, so we have collaborated with our friends at T&Coffee – Trans Network  to create an alcohol free space for you to unwind the day after tdor2021 – 21/11 – 11am – Tesco – The Meadows – Sandhurst (nr Camberley). Check out more info by visiting TnCoffeeLGBT.com/event-calendar

You can also access our list of Trans friendly support by clicking here

We also run our weekly social group, you can find out more here